Tears Fill the Void After the Death of a Pet
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Pet Column for the week of October 6, 1997
Office of Public Engagement
2001 S. Lincoln Ave.
Urbana, Illinois 61802
Phone: 217/333-2907
By Theresa A. Fuess, Ph.D.
Information Specialist
University of Illinois
College of Veterinary Medicine
The death of a companion animal leaves a void. In that void continuously echoes the cat's
purr from the window sill, the parrot's daily "good morning," or the dog's wiggling body and
wagging tail when you get home in the evening. The echo is loud and fills your head and
makes the rest of life seem trivial and even irritating. You wonder if you are going off the
deep end because these feelings are so powerful and so different from those you normally
experience. Besides, it is "just an animal." However, for many among us, pets are part of
our family as well as our best friends. And when a pet dies, the grieving process is very
painful.
It is important for folks to know that grief is both normal and healthy. Tears and sadness
begin the healing process for a broken heart, just as blood forms a scab to heal a wound.
Grief eventually fills the void, silences the echoes, and turns the loss into pleasurable
memories. Because it often helps to talk about the loss of a pet with someone who
understands how much your pet meant to you, the University of Illinois College of
Veterinary Medicine at Urbana has created the C.A.R.E. (Companion Animal Related
Emotions) Helpline.
"The purpose of the helpline is to help people manage their grief and to facilitate the grieving
process. It provides an empathetic and confidential environment in which people can talk
about their loss," says Julia Brannan, second-year student of veterinary medicine and
founder of the helpline. The helpline is staffed by students who have been trained by
professional grief counselors and are supervised by a licensed psychologist. "The helpline
will also help us, the students, become more compassionate veterinarians," says Ms.
Brannan. "It is an acknowledgment by our college of the importance of the human-animal
bond and the huge impact of losing an animal friend."
The helpline can provide information on many aspects of pet loss, such as anticipatory grief,
which comes when you learn your animal is terminally ill; ways to help children to deal with
grief; and ways to make the transition from having had a pet that died to having had a pet
that lived.
Anticipatory grief, though devastating, gives the opportunity to plan ahead and take care of
decisions that you won't want to deal with at the time of your pet's death. If this involves
euthanasia, you can decide where you want the procedure to be performed and what will
make your pet most comfortable--a favorite blanket or toy. Decide whether you'd like your
pet to be buried or cremated.
For children, the death of a pet is likely to be the first experience with loss. Let them know
it is normal to cry and feel sad. A simple ceremony, perhaps backyard burial or planting a
tree or flower bed, will encourage their expression of sadness and grief.
The loss of a companion animal deserves recognition, and treasured memories should be
preserved. Collect objects such as photos, paw prints, or a lock of hair while your pet is
healthy. These are especially valuable to those whose pet is lost suddenly and unexpectedly
to illness or accident. You can also make a memorial donation in your pet's memory to your
local animal charity or donate a book on animals to your local library.
To talk with a helpline volunteer or to request printed information regarding pet loss, call the
C.A.R.E. Helpline at 217/244-CARE and leave a voice-mail message at any time. Students
will return phone calls on Tuesday and Thursday nights between 7 and 9 p.m. There is no
charge for this service, but long-distance phone calls will be returned collect. If you live
outside of central Illinois, contact your local veterinarian for information on pet-loss support
programs in your area.